When one parent drops the daughter off at gymnastics and the other parent secures an early evening/dinner playdate for the son. And you look up to find your partner standing across from you in the kitchen staring at her cell phone – likely Instagram or Facebook, but secretly wondering if Ashley Madison still exists or if your buddy from work might send a screengrab from Tinder – and you ask meekly, “should we grab a drink together and catch up?”
It’s the most anxiety you have felt in weeks or maybe months. Asking her on a date, kind of, will surely get rejected by the notion that she has more important tasks ahead of her after blowing through a bunch of FatJewish posts on Insta. Like laundry. Or, moving book fair commitments onto the family calendar. Surely, more important tasks loom. But then she meekly retorts, “sure.”
Feeling marginally more confident you move into over drive, “okay, well let’s hit it.” A few minutes later you pull into a neighborhood bar that you are pretty sure your wife has said previously that she has no interest in. Oh well, let’s see where this goes.
If you are familiar at all with the above scenario, then you know this date ends in an argument. Which, on this fateful night, it did not. We spoke about the concept of The Blink. It was reassuring to hear that my partner not only understood the concept but felt the same way that when life happens and you blink it all changes and sometimes it is hard to remember how we got to where we are or how to get to where we thought we were going.
Where we are going is so uncertain. Our relationship is so far out on the rocks it would appear unsalvageable if it were a water painting depiction of our marital state. But alas, just by putting our woes in the context of The Blink we found a mutual piece of ground where we could both gain comfort in our discomfort. Our mutual lack of confidence about ourselves was revealed. It may have been the first best step in saving what we had and building out a plan for what we both want.